Tag Archives: Relationships

5 Reasons why understanding someone is like peeling an onion

peeling-the-onion-3Ever tried to understand someone? Why does that perfect boyfriend turn into an asshole at the blink of an eye? And you agonize over hours together asking yourself… “What just happened? Why?? Why would he do that??” Why would he say that???” Your mind becomes hell for those few hours, doesn’t it?

Well, trying to understand people and peeling an onion are one and the same. Your eyes tear up and after all the peeling… you land up nowhere. NOWHERE.

Here are the reasons…

1. We live in the age of smart phones and stupid people.

People are becoming stupider and stupider when it comes to relationships even as our  phones become smarter and smarter in our social networking. All that smartness has screwed up our relationship dynamics. For example, I saw this post in FB today.. “I am married but actually I am single because I feel lonely”…An utterly stupid thing to put on Fb…  Imagine your spouse has seen that post on facebook.  Ten minutes later you tell him/her some perfectly innocent thing like, “I am going to meet my friends.” And while in a bad mood, the internal mechanism might just go whirring like “You with friends = I am single” And the next thing you know, you are hearing things like “Maybe I should have married my first love after all!”

Now can you seriously understand why he/she said that? Will they tell you? In the first place, do they understand themselves?  You will never know. There is noway you can understand all that stupidity.

2. Face it, everyone has a multiple personality disorder.  me

Seriously! No single person is one person. Somebody who waxes eloquent on keeping India clean could be a pig inside his own house. One could be angry in the morning, happy in the evening and somewhere in between during night. And all three are different people. Not the same person. Before you have understood someone they are gone and another person has taken over. So who do you plan to understand? The core of the onion is absolutely empty, you see?

3. You are no Appatucker.

Are you a mind reader? Are you God? How the hell do you know whatever logic you have attributed to the other person’s behavior is indeed true?  Whatever you understand are within the frameworks of your thoughts, your logic. They are assumptions, not truth. Unless you occupy the same space and time as that of the other person, there is no way you can understand the other. You will come round and round in your mind and land up nowhere again, which is exactly the core of the onion. Nothing. Please do yourself a favor and don’t take yourself or your thoughts seriously!

4.  It’s a freaking dance with far too many strings. locusofcontrol

People are basically pulled by many strings at the same time. They dance to those strings. Indigestion can make them bark, a slight change in the atmospheric pressure could spin different thoughts in that delicate brain, Rains can subconsciously remind them about the spanking they received long ago and corresponding responses can be triggered. We all are basically ceasing and arising experiences every moment dependent on a million, million factors. If you try to understand all those factors, you will once again land up in an asylum. There are only experiences not persons. Remember, onion??

5.  “You” are a ‘myth’ too.

When you say ‘I’ am trying to understand, that ‘I’ there implies  you consider yourself to be who you actually are, a concrete person, but the fact is you too are merely a  collection of decisions put together to cope with past incidents. You are a myth too. One myth trying to understand another? A big fat onion core is what you get.

I think I have confused you sufficiently?!! Now you are wondering what the hell should I do if I cannot understand the weirdos in my life? How do I cope then?

1. Experience, Experience, Experience every weirdo in your life. Look at people as experiences not as characters.

2. To have peaceful relationships, have structured forums to discuss your needs and wants every week. Ask structured questions for feedback. “Is there something that I did this week that irritated you?” Ask your partner if it’s ok, if I give feedback on what pleased me and what didn’t. These questions and ensuing conversations will tune you both up. Instead if you jump into silent understanding of the other person’s flaw, you are cooking up the perfect recipe for misery.

3. If your relationship has turned out into just a series of ‘situationships’, then its time to walk away.

3. Once again Experience, experience and experience everything that comes your way. The dates in the calendar are closer than they appear, and in no time you will be up there. Stop machinating in your head and start living.

Hopefully, you won’t struggle with the onion core anymore.

 

 

 

How Far is Far? – I

If you are in a relationship, then you had better read this! 

There are all kinds of people. Sometimes we fall head over heels in love with one. All well until the fall does not take its toll on us. There are many researches as to what makes us get attracted to a person and why we fall in love and what dynamics operate later. My intent for this post is not those researches. It is a plain urge to share a bit of knowledge and experience that might be life-saving to someone who might land upon on this page. Well, no drama there, when I say ‘life-saving’, I mean life-saving.

At the outset I wish to draw the difference between a personality issue and a personality disorder. Most of us have personality issues that are fine when we are alone but create problems when we get together with someone who has an incompatible personality. Say for example I am fixated on being organised and I fell in love with someone who can live comfortably in a pigsty, then we are bound to have issues sooner or later. I grow up believing that All husbands must be like my father/ all wives must be like my mother. But there is no way two human beings are ever going to be alike. There, we have a disappointment now. These are issues. And these will be there in any union. That ideal man or woman who you have sculpted in your head does not exist and it can come as a rude shock when you wake up to reality. Continue Reading

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