Tag Archives: parenting

Dealing with feeling

Why is it impossible for kids and teens to listen to their parent’s advice?

Face it! There is not an advice that the teen does not know for himself or herself. “Do not mind your friend’s taunts!” Tell me what is brilliant about that piece of advice? “physical appearances are not important!” Your child probably rolled her eyes and said, “Oh, yea!”

As a parent you are interested in getting your children to behave right. Since you love your child more than anyone else on the planet, you probably want to make her feel better instantly. And you start your advices. But it doesn’t work that way.

Negative feelings become all the more intense when that feeling is not allowed expression. When those feelings are invalidated! When you try to thrust your wisdom on your child as she feels low, it complicates the problem in two ways. First the child’s problem is no more the original problem. The problem now is you! They got to convince you that they really do have a problem. Second the focus is shifted from finding a solution to struggling to validate one’s feelings.

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Grow up!

Do the male animal of any species, mate with the female of its species forcibly? Without the female’s explicit consent? To my knowledge, I know not a single incident where this has happened. And no, never heard of a thirty animals pack surrounding a lone female while they grope its body part. And certainly never of  another animal standing by idly and capturing the whole scene in its mobile.

Why? Why this insanity? I am not simply talking about mass scale insanity like these, but what I see in every counselling session. I see the parents of the kids  defining morality as ‘not having lustful thoughts.’ To them a ‘bad kid’ is someone genuinely interested in girls or boys, whoever happens to be the opposite sex. Continue Reading

What if this happens one day?!?

Your husband, (wife if you are a male) comes home one day with a much younger, adorable, sweet woman(man) and tells you excitedly, “Honey, guess what?!? You are so sweet, so cute, so adorable that I decided to have another wife just like you!” Even as you are recovering from the shock he goes on to say, “Is n’t it thrilling to think of the stuff you both can do together everyday! Ahh, its so much fun to have company for you!” Just visualise the scenario as though it is happening now. :-) How would you feel? (Substitute wife for husband and ‘she’ for ‘he’ through out the post if you happen to belong to the male species.)

A few days later you, your husband and the new wife go for a party. All your husband’s friends and even your friends just pass over you with a casual “how are you” thrown half-handedly over your head, but are gushing endlessly over the new wife “Choo chweet, Isn’t she a darling?!! Awww.. cutie pie!!” Again, visualise yourself nibbling your lower lip, and tell me how are you feeling?

As the new wife is settling in very well and consuming all your husband’s attention, you are sulking in your room. One day, your husband barges into your room and starts rummaging in your shelf. He selects few of your clothes and accessories. You ask what is wrong and your husband off-handedly answers “Oh honey, I am sure these things have become old and you can give it off to her!” – Your reactions? Continue Reading

My enemy at thirteen!

Light your hair on fire.
Swallow a caterpillar.
Bite down your ipad.
Put your finger on a live-wire.

Bad ideas, isn’t it?! But not so to teens. As you imagined the above tasks, if you were a adult and your brain were to be connected to a scanner, your distress and danger area will glow screaming automatically at the mental imagery. You will say these are bad ideas!

Supposing you were a teen-ager, you will still say these are bad ideas. But there is a difference. You will answer a moment later and it will not be a automatic response. No distress! Instead the cognitive parts of your brain will glow as if you were deliberating as to what dress to wear next day for college. :) You are actually thinking about them. There is no aversion that gets triggered automatically. Continue Reading

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