Category Archives: Consciousness

You do this too??

In a few days Ragini, the poor girl, who was gang raped will be forgotten. In a few days IPL will take over, or maybe a political stunt by Rahul or Modi or even thalaivar’s latest release. The infidelity of the public outrage will be happily explained away in a single sentence, “India cannot be changed.” And we all shall become complacent once again with our own goodness, because, come on, we are good men we are, because, well… we haven’t ‘raped’ anyone!!!

But you, the very man, who posted sympathetic and outraged comments on your wall, extending full support for Ragini, might continue to rape your wife, sister, female friend… You rape our opinions, our free-thought, our right to have a say, because, well, we are women. You can beat us in the privacy of your home when you get enraged, and the same thing your wife cannot do to you. She cannot even raise her voice against you. She, who leaves her family to come and live with you cannot have problems adjusting with the new environs. But you could forbid her to speak with her family, well, because you do not like them.

You are very clear you will be the one who wears the pants in your house. And that speaks for itself. There is a convenient word that covers all your atrocities. “TRADITION AND CULTURE.” “A family’s welfare depends on the girl in the house’… Bull crap! As though you didn’t have any part. Did you know that, traditionally in India, sages like Maitreyi and Gargi rode on the horses to the yagnasthal and performed the havan just the same as a man? Well, you woudn’t!  DSC_0985

If you really want to change the way things are in this world, If you really want to show a protest to what happened to Ragini, and if you really want to ensure that this does not happen to your daughter twenty years later, would you look at the real issue besides going to the protest? Do you have the guts to take action where it matters the most? Or are you the hippocrite who protests in public, only for gangrapes and rapes our thoughts in privacy? Would you take resolutions to change your attitude towards us both in small things and bige things?

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How Far is Far?? – II

So this is a common snapshot of highly disturbing relationships with NPD people.  

When the relationship begins, you cannot believe your luck that you have so charming, intelligent, handsome/beautiful successful a person who treats you so special. Probably, taken in by all that love and attention and wanting to speed up the process you made the first move and spoke your feelings. Wham! The trap closes around you!! The narcissist was waiting for exactly this. This is the stage instead of responding like normal people in the negative or in the affirmative, they put conditions.

A person who has not dealt with a narcissist will ask ‘what is wrong with this? Are we not being specific about our expectations? It is a good thing to do, isn’t it?’… Yes, putting conditions are not a problem as long as the conditions are specific and each of you get a chance to do it. A condition that says, “My Mom has gone to extreme ends to bring us up and I want a wife who respects her” is perfectly fine. “I am a woman who is interested in career and I will not give that up for anything” is a valid condition.

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Grow up!

Do the male animal of any species, mate with the female of its species forcibly? Without the female’s explicit consent? To my knowledge, I know not a single incident where this has happened. And no, never heard of a thirty animals pack surrounding a lone female while they grope its body part. And certainly never of  another animal standing by idly and capturing the whole scene in its mobile.

Why? Why this insanity? I am not simply talking about mass scale insanity like these, but what I see in every counselling session. I see the parents of the kids  defining morality as ‘not having lustful thoughts.’ To them a ‘bad kid’ is someone genuinely interested in girls or boys, whoever happens to be the opposite sex. Continue Reading

In the name of ‘Love’…

(Incident narrated with the permission of the concerned person)

That phone call began like any other.

“Am I talking with Kirtanya?” Clear tones of a woman in her late forties.

“Yea, you are. Please go on.”

“Madam, I would like an appointment with you?”

“Ok. Could you please outline the issue for me?”

“Oh, It’s regarding my daughter Ma’am who is 24 years old. She has become very reactive and doesn’t seem to care about me. I watch all your programs in TV and they are simply superb. (Well, no exaggeration :) I am really quoting her) I thought you will be the right person to counsel her.”

“You can definitely bring her over. But I am very tightly scheduled for the next two weeks. Please call me after a week and fix your appointment.”

“Ok.. But can I atleast talk to you over the phone?”

“Certainly! Go ahead.” Continue Reading

Down the Rabbit ‘memory’ hole…

At two years, the fat baby is my sister Jaya!

I stood there with my little niece, at the very end of the street, unable to believe that the men disappearing far away around the corner, had on their shoulders, my father. And that I will never again see his toothless smile for as long as I live. There is no going back!! With an aching heart, listening to the child’s babble of my niece repeating innocently, “Thaatha ookkuu poitta.., thatha thetthu poitta.., thatha kulichuthu oorkku poitta..” I turned and walked back through the main street of my native village.

Lost in thoughts, I didn’t notice the woman who was walking towards me until she planted herself firmly in front of me and said, “Hey, do you remember me?” She looked at least ten years older to me. For the life of me I could not recollect the face staring at me. And then she said excitedly, “I am Ammu, Ammu, don’t you remember, We studied together here in the corporation school” An image of a tiny little girl with tearful and accusing eyes staring up at me flashed before me. I asked her pensively, “Were you the one in whose face I threw my lunch??!!” She laughed and said, “Not only that, the next day you got your father to my home, made it look as though it was all my mistake and man, did he fight with my father tooth and nail?!” Continue Reading

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