Ok, I am going to answer this one last time. I am sick and tired of facing this question spoken or unspoken, thrown at me by every Tom, Dick and Harry. In future I am planning to give this link to anyone who asks me the question.
Why have I not got married?
The fact is I honestly don’t know. But I have some theories.
1. It might be because of the marital profile I have put up in the Bharat matrimony site. The usual profiles in Indian marriage market go on to say, “I am kind, sincere, good, decent back-ground, fun for life blah blah, which when summed up means, “I am God’s perfect gift to humanity and I want another one of his masterpieces as spouse.” Maybe my profile fizzles out instantly in comparison as it says:
“I am a good girl, Oh really I am, and I do believe in fantasy creatures like dragons, goblins and good men.
Now for the man I want to hunt down, I mean find, you must look like Brad Pitt and earn like Bill Gates. Must be interested in mutual hate discussions and must be skilled at insulting, screaming and slamming doors in public. If you are what they say as ‘Mr Right’ then you will know instinctively that I am ‘Mrs Always Right’. My favorite hobby is designing night-wear for ghosts. It will be great if you can be supportive and give me ideas on that one. I can talk for hours without any topic. You must be willing to listen and contribute meaningful ‘Ohs’ and ‘Ahas!!’ but nothing more.If at all things don’t work out well for us, then I give you permission to unfriend me from real life but don’t ever unfriend me from Facebook.”
Well, would you believe, I usually receive responses like “In life you must be willing to compromise. there is nothing called always right! other than that I would be interested” A few of them tell me to give more importance to real life than facebook, and some actually give me a sermon on Indian womanhood and go on to ask if I have gone out of my mind. I don’t know where to keep my face. The few that laugh at it and appreciate the write-up demand that I come to America with them and give up my dreams here. As though I am going to double over myself just because you are an NRI male and you can earn through your nose. So yes, that’s reason number one.
2. Men, it’s no offence to anyone in particular or if you are an exception, but in general I find that most Indian men, in a very unconscious manner spell “Woman entrepreneur” either as “Bitch” or as a “Snob” or worse still as a “domineering shrew”. If I can lead a business, then I might want to wear the pants in the house. Maybe it will take them another decade to understand the concept of ‘equality’ and ‘humanity’ in a pure and simple way instead of mixing it up with ‘male pride’, ‘tradition’ ‘husband’ ‘wife’, ‘family-safety’, ‘ávailable’ or that “wretched pants” in the house. Purely my mistake that I foolishly took birth in the previous generation.
3. I have been in love once. With a jerk. No, he wasn’t your usual jerk, but a high class, pious, successful, brainy jerk who just turns weird in personal relationships. But who or what he is doesn’t matter, I am used to doing anything with intensity and total abandon, and this relationship too was an all consuming affair for three years. It is purely my good luck that it broke in the nth minute before it finished my individuality off completely. It was a nightmare when it happened, but now not a day goes by when I don’t thank God. But maybe, because I have loved so completely and experienced the ups and downs of a relationship so intensely, I am not craving that much to search the ideal partner again. I find that I am not that keen on society’s approval or recognition of me as a married woman. I can afford to stand alone and laugh at your face. For all I care you can celebrate me as the purest of angels or accuse me of having slept with the entire city, I have learnt the hard way not to place much on the changing scenery of life. For such of you interested in the juicy story, you can read it up here: http://kirtanya.com/?p=156 This is not to say I am not open for a relationship, merely that I have not gone out of my way to look for it. And Business has kept me busy, very busy!
4. I might love myself, but just may be, it might be that from a man’s perspective, I am not that sexy to inspire wild love.
5. I am a Maverick and looks like I am destined to be one all my life. These are a few of the reasons that I can think. But I always get more questions thrown at me.
You will feel lonely later on in life. You will need a companion. Why don’t you take steps when you can. otherwise you will become old and nobody will want you?
Give me a break! As though you are not alone after marriage! My loneliness is better than your squabbles. You need some drama to fill up your time, by all means go ahead. You need another person to validate your existence, speak for yourself. I have taught myself to be happy without melo-dramas and real-life mega-serials. I am alone and I know it. You are alone and you don’t know it. That’s the only difference between you and me. And eh, you have sex.
The pure beauty of having your own children, you will miss out. What is a life that does not listen to a baby’s babbles!?
Agreed. I am in love with children and would have loved to have some of my own. But sometimes looking at the world, I think it is better not to have children in such a world. It is too big a responsibility. And maybe God saw something that all of you missed out. He had the sense to understand – “This girl, she is so awesome, she does whatever she does so very well that if she had children of her own, she would get pathetically limited to them! She will not be available to all those children out there in the world, who need an angel of mercy, to save them from their own parents.” So yes he denied me my children. I am game! (I am always this humble. :-P)
But don’t you have lust? at all?
Dude, the last time I checked I was still human. So you work it out.
Isn’t it a struggle? How can you manage?
And yes, some men think since I am alone, I might just be interested in having a relationship with them?
Have you seen the ancient type stone-tablets, I mean the really sacred ones which look like the ones they show God giving ten commandments inscribed in the movies? Yea, I sometimes wish I can inscribe these words in such a tablet and hang around my neck.
“Dude, you married or committed to someone? Well, steer clear of me. I won’t even touch you with a bargepole. I might like you very much, be attracted to you, be stimulated by your intellect and may wish to dally with you intellectually, or even sometimes feel a rare lust in a very humanistic way, but a thousand elephants together will not pull me into an affair with you, even if you are God Apollo walking in flesh and blood. Even if you have zero sex life with your wife. Even if she is a devil. Even if she has no problems with you having a relationship with me. It is not my game. And there are no exceptions. So please don’t waste your time and energy. And mine too!
Also know that I have not judged you or condemned you just because you felt desire. I understand.
Have I made up my mind that I will never marry?
As of now, No. I have made up my mind in only one thing and that is, I am going to live a full and extra-ordinary life, with or without marriage. I have a dream and I am going to make that dream true, come what may! Not only at the end of the dream am I going to be happy, but I am going to have maximum fun all through the way! I will make every kind of sacrifice to make it possible. If you haven’t noticed yet, I am an intelligent woman(at least most of the time) and I don’t define my life only within the context of relationships. If they happen, well and good. If they don’t, well, that’s just fine! I am too busy to notice what I am lacking.
And Now why am I wasting my time reacting to all of the world’s stupid questions?
Simply. My whim and fancy! I had nothing better to do today.