(Incident narrated with the permission of the concerned person)
That phone call began like any other.
“Am I talking with Kirtanya?” Clear tones of a woman in her late forties.
“Yea, you are. Please go on.”
“Madam, I would like an appointment with you?”
“Ok. Could you please outline the issue for me?”
“Oh, It’s regarding my daughter Ma’am who is 24 years old. She has become very reactive and doesn’t seem to care about me. I watch all your programs in TV and they are simply superb. (Well, no exaggeration I am really quoting her) I thought you will be the right person to counsel her.”
“You can definitely bring her over. But I am very tightly scheduled for the next two weeks. Please call me after a week and fix your appointment.”
“Ok.. But can I atleast talk to you over the phone?”
“Certainly! Go ahead.”
Well, the conversation proceeded in this manner for some time with her outlining all the troubles she is facing and then out of the blue, she dropped this bomb-shell on me. “There is pressure from my relatives to get my children married but I dont want my daughters to get married at all. I am very clear on that.” I honestly thought she is saying this because she doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage. I thought she doesn’t want her children to suffer the way she did and felt really sorry. But no! Much to my chagrin she proceeded to tell me, “I can’t imagine a life without my daughters. I have suffered so much to bring them up, now why would I want somebody else to enjoy the fruits of my labour. My world is my daughters and it will shatter if they go away. I just love them too much to live far from them. I am not prepared for that.”
I asked her, if she tells this to her daughters as well and she said yes. I thought to myself, (swore to myself actually), why would n’t the girls be reactive? This lady had an explanation ready for every one of my cross questions. When I asked her what would happen to the girls after her demise, she immediately shot back saying, “Oh, this is modern world we are living in ma’am, they will take care of themselves perfectly” and so on for every question I had.
Believe me, I am not talking about someone who is mentally sick. I am talking about a lady who is employed, who earns well, who is educated and who is just like you and me. I do empathise with her for her loneliness, but then what gives anyone the right to dictate the lives of someone else, demand that they sacrifice themselves in order to please oneself?
It is not simply her, but I notice some of us filling our innate loneliness with some fanatic idea, person, status or a thing, the mere thought of losing which makes us reel inside. They would go to any length, stoop to any level, just so that they can maintain their comfort zones.
These experiences make me think a lot on “love”. What is it? How can it be ‘love’, if all that it has is only fearful machinations behind it? How can it be “love” when all it has is a continual demand to ‘be’ something or ‘do’ something. How can it be “love” when it is controlled by calculations? How can it be ‘love’ when it is only resisting all the time?
I, for one, truly believe that love is possible only if we have faced our own loneliness and come to terms with it. No woman can love her man passionately, if all that she knows is only fear of loneliness. she is not capable of loving with abandon. No parent can love his/her child if all that they are seeking is fulfillment through them and do not know how to fulfill themselves independent of their children.
I do wish this lady discovers the sheer beauty of her existence for what it is, instead of feeding on her children’s lives for her validation.